Intro: What is a Frat?

[Christopher]

  Every college campus has them.  Those uptight, Xerox-copied Ken dolls

who prance about campus like God's gift to the world.  They think they're

cool and rebellious by spending their Saturday nights getting plastered

and gawking at women who they have about as much chance having sex with

as they doing suddenly realizing how pathetic their store-bought lives

are.

  They are the Fraternity geeks.

  Former high school student council people who, when thrust into the

college system, realized that Daddy's money could no longer buy them

positions of greatness in the eyes of fellow students, so instead they

rent their best friends.  They brag about the women they've "done" to

compensate for their small penises.  They deliver commands to other

students in a threatening tone when surrounded by fellow frat daddies,

but sweetly talk and in an open, caring manner when alone and running the

risk of getting their ass kicked.

  And their logic and language are as impudent.

  Take, for instance, the famous defense phrase beat into the cement noggin

of every greek boy:

        "Don't call your fraternities `frats' because you wouldn't call

        your county `cunt.'"

Now, immediately, the standard human being with an IQ about the negative

range can see three problems in the above statement.

        1. It's not my frat.

        2. This guy doesn't know for sure that I *don't* call my country

                cunt.

        3. "Frat" is a slang term created by dropping the "-ernity" of

                "fraternity."  Drop the "-ry" off "country" and you

                get "count," not "cunt."

In short, they just aren't quick.  But not to fear.  Here's a guide to

some of their popular phrases and words, translated for your benefit.

It's a short file, based off short intellect.

                                                -konee#166

                        POPULAR FRAT TERMINOLOGY

        In Fraternity                           In English

CONFRONTATION:

* "I'll kick your ass!                  * "I'm gonna get about 20 of my

                                          frat buddies together and we're

                                          gonna wield bats and hope we can

                                          catch you asleep under a tree

                                          so we can beat you up!"

* "I've never lost a fight."            * "I've never been in a fight."

* "I'm about to introduce you to        * "I'm gonna pay a football player

  a work of pain."                        to beat you up."

* "Surely we can talk this out like     * "Not the face!  Not the face!"

  rational human beings."

* "I believe in a fair fight."          * "We'll start the fight when my

                                          back up arrives."

EDUCATION:

* "By taking the initiative to go       * "I'm here for beer in sex, in no

  on to a university and further my       particular order."

  education, I hope to broaden my

  horizons, open new eployment

  oppurtunities, and be a better

  person on the whole."

MEETING WOMEN:

* "Hello, may I buy you a drink?"       * "How much alcohol does it take

                                          to get you in bed?"

* "Would you like to dance?"            * "Please give me a reason to touch

                                          you."

* "I think men should be more           * "It really pisses me off when

  responsive to the needs of              chicks don't swallow."

  women."

* "That's a very interesting            * "That's a very interesting name

  name you have."                         you have.  Of course, in five

                                          minutes, I'll be so absorbed by

                                          alcohol and staring at your chest

                                          that I won't remember it."

* "Would you like to go back to         * "Let's go back to my places where

  my place?"                              I can paw at you, get slapped,

                                          and later brag to all my frat

                                          brothers about what an easy lay

                                          you were, destroying any chance

                                          at respectability you have."

* "I'd like to get to know you          * "Take off your bra."

  better."

 add

RELIGION:

* "I respect Christianity.  Jesus       * "Anyone who turns water to

  was a great man, full of love           wine can't be all bad."

  and patience.  The hate he had

  to endure, and yet he still

  loved us all.  He truly was the

  Son of God."

SEXUAL SITUATIONS & RELATIONS:

* "I respect you for your decision      * "Damn it, I paid for your dinner.

  of abstenance."                         Now put out!"

* "Of course I'll respect you in        * "Respect you in the morning?  I

  the morning."                           can't even remember your name

                                          tonight!"

* "I want you to know I don't do        * "Looks like I get another notch

  this with just anyone."                 on the ol' belt.  Three more and

                                          my frat pals throw a kegger in my

                                          honor."

* "Despite our differences, I'm         * "You're ugly, but I don't wanna

  still willing to make a go at           look at you.  Just f**k you."

  a relationship."

* "I love you."                         * "God I hope I wasn't stupid

                                          enough to give you my real

                                          phone number."

SOCIAL ISSUES:

* "I totally agree with your            * "Just because I can't make you

  stance and am angered how my            sit at the back of the bus does

  race has oppressed you for so           not mean I have to like you."

  long."

* "The plight of your people is         * "I hate you Žinsert appropriate

  truly an awe-inspiring tale."           racial slur here."

* "I want you to know that despite      * "Please don't mug me."

  our color differences, I think of

  you as a brother."

* "Not enough people take birth         * "So what if it IS my kid, I don't

  control seriously."                     see how it's my problem."

* "But the problems with condoms        * "No way in hell am I putting

  is you still run the 20%+ chance        something that looks like a

  of it rupturing during sex."            party balloon on my dick."

* "Something needs to be done about     * "Can't we shoot them or

  the homeless problem in our             something?"

  country."

* "It breaks my heart to think          * "Better him than me."

  somewhere in the world, a small

  child will go to bed without his

  dinner again tonight."

 

[raiderfo]

I feel like this would help quite a few people if it were pasted to the front of every college office.

Although people like the fraternity douchebags are one of the main reasons I'm never going to college. It seems more like a glorified popularity contest, save for the people who are there to get a good job and don't ever see any of these 'wild parties' that college is so legendary for.